5 ways to deal with conflict management in the workplace

Conflict management is a skill to be trained. 

Managing conflict doesn’t come with an instruction manual and every individual has a different way to respond to disagreements. It goes without saying that negotiation is one of the most effective means of managing and solving disputes between individuals, however, in certain cases this process fails and it can lead to disastrous consequences. So what can you do to avoid conflict at work and what are the main mistakes? Let’s go through them, one by one.  

1. Stay cool as ice.  

You’re in a conflict, you feel angry and emotions are taking over. You’re not sure how to deal with the situation or what to say without insulting the person in front of you. We get it, we’ve all been there! Managing your emotions can be tough, especially if it’s a topic you feel strongly about or if it’s closely related to personal experiences. It might sound strange, but you can suggest taking a time-out, putting the conversation on hold and proposing another time to revisit the discussion. Most problems won’t solve themselves and they must be confronted, yet allowing your emotions to get in the way can create obstacles for both yourself and your colleagues. Plus, they might prevent you from finding a solution. Freeze your thoughts, come back to them at a later point and make sure to have all your emotions in place!  

2. Have the right mindset.  

When thinking about a conflict you probably refer to it as a negative experience, right? But it doesn’t have to be! It all depends on the mindset you have. Back in 1968 psychologists Robert Rosenthal and Leonore Jacobsen conducted an experiment on primary school children, asking them to take an IQ test. For about 20% of the students, the researchers purposefully submitted the wrong scores to the teachers, telling them that these students had extremely high potential. Guess what happened? Unconsciously the teachers treated these ‘intelligent’ students differently. About six months later, the researchers had the students take another IQ test. The results? The IQ of the high potential students had increased!  

Even though the study is 54 years old, the moral of the story stays the same. If you stick a positive label on a person or on a situation, you’ll automatically behave more positively towards it. The same counts when you are in a conflict situation. If you assume that it will have a negative outcome, you’re already setting yourself up for failure. Afterwards, when looking back at the conversation, you will tell yourself ‘I told you so’, confirming that same mindset even more.  

Instead, you should adopt a more positive attitude, thinking of it as an opportunity to solve problems, grow and learn from each other. 

3. Don’t play the blame game.

We’re masters at blaming others, but did you ever look at yourself in the mirror? How do you handle a conflict and what is your communication style? What are your triggers and why do you react the way you do? Knowing yourself and which side of your personality comes out in a conflict is key to successful conflict resolution.  

Blaming others is a natural defence mechanism, people don’t like to admit guilt or take responsibility for something they have done or said. So what can you do to avoid this kind of behaviour? Start by looking within! Try to identify a pattern, is it something from your childhood that is triggering you? Or perhaps is it related to something that you don’t like about yourself? We all have self-doubts, so during a discussion it is easier to take things more personally than you would normally. Be aware of your triggers and why you have them so that you can nip conflicts in the bud.  

4. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. 

Many conflicts derive from a misunderstanding of the other person's needs or interests. As an example, a toddler that just started to explore the world will lean over the balcony rail just to investigate. As a parent, you want to keep them from a dangerous fall – and whoops, you immediately have colliding needs that result in a conflict! Even though you and your colleagues might not have a discussion about who is standing too close to a balcony rail, the story still applies in the working environment. Besides your needs, you also have to be aware of colliding interests. What’s in it for you and what about the other person? The desired solution rarely comes out of nowhere, it’s only when the needs and interests of both parties are clear that you can look for a win-win situation!  

5. Grab them by the horns!  

In the end, it’s all about addressing the elephant in the room. Every organisation has one, everyone wants it to go away but no one is addressing it. According to conflict resolution expert Adar Cohen, many organisations are just one conversation away from solving their internal issues. Yet, why is no one dealing with it? Well, for starters it’s human nature to avoid conflicts and you might even be scared that by having a conversation, it could make things worse. However, you can’t eliminate conflicts and even if you could, it wouldn’t get you anywhere. Train your employees to dare to speak up about their struggles, this will boost creativity and you might identify innovative ideas or bottlenecks in the organisation.  

Dealing with conflict is not easy and you might need some help to get started in the right direction. Luckily for you, we have some courses that can help you tackle that elephant in the room!